


fear

by blushao (horizsan)



Series: an ode [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Cheating, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, alcohol use/being drunk, based off of seventeen's song fear, seungcheol deserves better :(, there is no sexual content i don't write that kind of stuff it makes me v uncomfy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23414473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horizsan/pseuds/blushao
Summary: In which Jeonghan is scared to hurt Seungcheol.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Yoon Jeonghan
Series: an ode [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1684186
Kudos: 22





	fear

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: a bit of profanity, cheating, mention of alcohol usage and being drunk
> 
> you can find more of my writing (especially poetry) on wattpad at the same username!
> 
> enjoy!

**CHOI SEUNGCHEOL + YOON JEONGHAN**

_"You must erase your memories of me, I'm poison"_

-

Jeonghan's head hurt, a lot. The bass of the club's way-too-loud music felt like it was pounding on his skull, slowly forming little spiderweb cracks in the bone. But of course, it wasn't. His skull was completely intact.

The blue and purple lights moved around the dance floor in a sort of crosshatch pattern, flashing from time to time. He knew that his bleached blond hair reflected the color of those lights, which mesmerized many people at this particular club. He knew that information from purely observation and experience.

A wisp of a girl walked up to him, gently gripping his elbow with her slender fingers. Her hair was a pale blueish-silver color, which looked beautiful in the club's cool lighting. She leaned her head closer to his, almost letting her lips touch his ear, but not quite. "Hey, pretty boy. You look lonely. I think you need some company."

Jeonghan gently peeled her fingers off his arm, and replied, "You're right, I do need company. Just not yours." He ducked into the crowd, making his way through the sea of people towards the edge of the dance floor. The outskirts were where his type of people tended to hang out, the kind of people he wanted to be in the company of.

These people weren't really there to dance, and they weren't really there to drink either. They weren't there to mix and mingle with a huge group of random people. They were there to get away, and forget life for a few hours. They never were there to do anything in particular, besides separate from the outside world. 

Thankfully, Jeonghan was there to do the exact same thing. He was there to escape from expectations and responsibilities, even if it was only for a couple of hours. Whenever he came to Echo, he could never stay there for very long. Sadly, he couldn't truly escape expectations there, because he had to keep an eye on the clock constantly. He needed to make sure he was home at the right time, so that his boyfriend had no suspicions at all about what he was really doing when he said he was working the night shift.

Jeonghan's eyes focused on one boy, who was half heartedly dancing to whatever song was playing. It was so loud that all Jeonghan could really hear was the bass, so he couldn't pick out the identity of the song. The boy definitely wasn't a bad dancer, but he wasn't really into it. Obviously, something was wrong. He definitely wasn't unattractive either, although Jeonghan thought he would be more attractive with a charming smile on his face.

His eyes were probably dark brown, but in the lighting of Echo, they looked black. Jeonghan would be willing to bet money that if he looked into that boy's eyes, he would be able to see his own reflection staring back at him.

His nose wasn't sharp, but wasn't really rounded either. It wasn't what his mother would have called a button nose, but it wasn't big. It was perfectly in proportion with the rest of his face, but Jeonghan didn't really have a word to describe his nose.

His jawline, however, was a whole different story. His jawline was sharp, but not the classical kind of sharp. It had an angle to it that was less obtuse than your classic jawline, and that would probably look weird on anyone else, but he made it work.

His hair was long and black, pulled back in a loose bun. Jeonghan usually didn't find guys with long hair attractive, but this one was certainly an exception, because _wow_. His clothes weren't anything special, just ripped black jeans and a black and white striped long sleeve shirt. The chest pocket in his shirt had a pair of glasses tucked into it. Those glasses were probably for fashion, not functionality. Jeonghan looked down at his shoes, checking whether or not they matched his outfit. They were just plain black Vans, but he had painted exactly six sunflowers on one shoe, and eight on the other.

He slid into the tiny empty space next to the guy, and managed to get his attention by gently tapping his shoulder with one finger. "Hey, what's your name? I'm Jeonghan. You look like you need someone to talk to."

The guy stopped dancing, and raised one eyebrow, looking at Jeonghan as if he were insane. "Do I really? I didn't think I looked the part, but I suppose you're right." He stuck out his hand, offering it to Jeonghan to shake it. "Hello, Jeonghan. I'm Junhui, it's nice to meet you."

-

It had been about two hours since Jeonghan introduced himself to Junhui, and he ended up having a lot of fun getting to know him. They had made their way to the bar eventually, gotten a couple of drinks, and talked for a while. But now, Jeonghan was in Junhui's apartment, and was leaning against the wall of his living room, almost gasping for air after a particularly long and intensive kiss, which was meant to be a goodbye.

Both of their lips were red and swollen, and Jeonghan's hair looked a right mess. It had once been neatly parted, not quite at the center, but just slightly to the left.

Junhui had let his hair down as soon as they got through the door, slipping the hair tie onto his slender wrist. His hair was incredibly soft, not damaged by constant bleaching like Jeonghan's, and Jeonghan thought it had felt very nice to run his fingers through it as they made out on Junhui's couch.

But at some point, Jeonghan had looked at his watch, and realized it was long past time for him to go home. Seungcheol would be waiting for him, probably worried. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket, and it showed him that he had ten missed calls from Seungcheol and about fifteen text messages, all of them asking where he was and if he was okay.

He replied with an "I'm fine" and put his phone back in his pocket. He looked back up at Junhui, who was looking at him with one eyebrow raised and a small smirk on his face. "Who was that? A boyfriend, perhaps?"

Jeonghan looked back down at the floor, and said, "It's nobody. It was nice meeting you, Jun. Maybe I'll see you around sometime." He turned around, and walked out the door and straight to the stairs, without giving Junhui a chance to reply.

He walked through the city, keeping his steps quick and light, his shoulders curled inwards to maximize warmth. It was the beginning of November, which had brought a bitter chill to the air, and of course, he hadn't thought to bring a jacket.

The cold wind bit his pale skin, working its way through the rips in his jeans and creating goosebumps up and down the length of his legs. He was grateful when he finally saw his apartment building just a few hundred feet ahead.

He went through its doors, taking the elevator to the seventeenth floor. He stood in front of his apartment's door for a few moments, slightly worried about facing Seungcheol. Jeonghan was sure that Seungcheol would be able to smell the alcohol on his breath, smell Junhui's apartment on his clothes, and taste Junhui's coconut chapstick on his lips.

What he had done would be obvious. It would be obvious that he had cheated. Seungcheol would know how poisonous Jeonghan truly was, and Jeonghan was terrified of that.

He was scared of anyone being able to see the venom behind his eyes, or hear the poison in his voice. In order to prevent this, he lied. But he knew lying wouldn't always work. Lying was a temporary solution to a permanent problem. 

But Jeonghan wasn't all poison, lies, and pain. Although one half of his tongue was filled with venom, the other half contained an antidote to that same venom. Despite doing these horrible things, there was a part of him that was terrified of hurting Seungcheol. And this half of him sought to protect Seungcheol from the other half. But there was only so much the antidote could do. If there was enough poison in the victim, no amount of antidote would do anything to avert the effects.

Jeonghan slid his key into the lock, slowly opening the door. Seungcheol was sitting on the floor in the entryway, staring directly at Jeonghan.

"Where have you been? God, I've been so worried about you."

Seungcheol stood up, coming closer to Jeonghan, silently asking for permission to hold him. Jeonghan shook his head, and said, "I've been nowhere. I'm fine, there's no need for you to worry."

Seungcheol stepped back, his eyes filled with concern and confusion. "Hannie, have you been drinking? I- I can smell alcohol on your breath. Hannie, where were you?"

Jeonghan slowly let himself sink to his knees, his eyes betraying his brain as they began to fill with tears. "I- I fucked up. God, Seungcheol, I- I shouldn't even be here. I need to go."

Seungcheol looked down at Jeonghan, whose eyes were clouded over, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks like a cold mountain stream tumbling off the edge of a cliff. "Jeonghan, what happened? What did you do?"

Jeonghan's mind wasn't present. He was physically in the apartment with Seungcheol, but his mind was in another apartment, with another man, the alcohol blurring his thoughts and making him forget where he actually was. "God, I- I can't believe I cheated on him again. I promised myself I would stop. I said I would try to stop going home with someone new every night when I have Seungcheol waiting at home, but I just kept going to Echo, again and again. I wish there were a way to erase all memories of me from his head, so that he doesn't get hurt, but..."

The alcohol loosened its grip on Jeonghan's head, making him realize where he was, and what he had just said. His mouth fell open, and the tears began to pour down his cheeks, ice cold as they dripped off his cheekbones into his hands.

Seungcheol was too shocked to say anything. His own tears refused to leave his eyes, so his vision stayed blurry, becoming so clouded that he couldn't even see Jeonghan in front of him.

He licked his lips, and forced his vocal chords to work. All he managed to get out was, "I think you should leave."

Jeonghan looked up at Seungcheol, knowing full well he was right. He whispered, "Just promise me you'll forget me, okay? I don't want to cause you any more pain than I already have."

Seungcheol nodded. "I'll try, trust me."

Jeonghan stood up, his hands shaking and his knees wobbling slightly, knocking together as he made an attempt to walk out the door without bumping into anything.

"Wait! Hannie, let me call a taxi. Please. I don't want you walking anywhere when you're drunk and you can barely see and you can barely walk and-"

"I'll be fine, Cheollie. Just forget I ever waltzed into your life, okay?"

Seungcheol let a tiny smile fight its way onto his lips, and replied, "And you had the audacity to waltz when I was listening to music in 4/4 time, too."

As Jeonghan stumbled down the hallway, Seungcheol pulled his phone out of his pocket and called for an Uber.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed reading! please feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments :)


End file.
